dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
