you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
