he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
