she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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