Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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