we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
