Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
