I should be sponsored by Trojan
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
