Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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