I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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