Whod you bang
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
