i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
