We're like a lot better than the average bears
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize