Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
