last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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