I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
