we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
