So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
