girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
