i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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