I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
