He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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