I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
