I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
