Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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