Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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