How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just gift wrapped bread.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize