we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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