imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
