I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
