Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
