a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
