i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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