He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
