Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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