dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
