Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
