Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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