oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
