Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
