I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
