At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
