Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
