I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
