Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
