Fine. I'll sleep in my office
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
