So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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