There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
