He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize