we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
