Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
