he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
