Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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