yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
