ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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