I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
