I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
