I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
you never un-have a 4some
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize