I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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