dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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