I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
