I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
