Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
