I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
