After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
