goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
