Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
