I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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