Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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