WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize