So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
