Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
