when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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