I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
