i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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