you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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