I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
