she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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