You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
