It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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