Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
