So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
