the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize