tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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