this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
