I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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