I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
