that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
