Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i will never coherently bang her
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
