You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
