They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
