why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
