i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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