we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize