Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Me too!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
