I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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