wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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