I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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