remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
