its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
