I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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