Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How's work?
Spinning.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
